Racing towards the truth
by Jasmine Mae
Summary: Denial. de·ni·al .noun. An unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful, or unwanted realities, thoughts, or feelings. Example? See Lily Evans.
1. First Impressions

_Scratch, scratch…_

_Clink, clink…_

_Clink…_

_Clink…_

_ClinkClinkClinkClinkClinkClink…_

Lily Evans woke up, deeply annoyed that anything that would be

disturbing her sleep the _night before _she was to wake up early, and bake a cake, decorate the house, and wrap the presents for her mothers birthday party. ((_ClinkClink_))

Groaning, she looked out the window.

And let out a yelp loud enough to make her wonder whether or not she woke anyone up..

She slowly got up, and looked out the window, hesitating, then bringing her eyes level to the owl.

The owl was a deep brown, with eyes that stared right back at her and for a moment, Lily thought he may just stare into them forever.

_Clink_

Lily jumped back with yet another loud yelp. She then noticed---the owl had an envelope attached to its claw._ Interesting_. Lily then decided she wanted to know what was in the envelope. Opening the window carefully, she let the owl fly into her room, praying it would keep quiet.

Lily felt a thrill of excitement as she took the letter off the owl and saw it was addressed right to her!

Slowly, Lily opened her letter…changing the course of her life as she could _never _had imagined.

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_Who would have thought?_

Thoughts raced through Lily Evans' head as she took learned more of this new world. She was in awe, and she hadnt even reached the school yet! Lily was in a compartment in the Hogwarts Express. The Hogwarts Express was, in itself a wonder, and Lily barely realized, being only eleven, that this was just a peek into the magical world she was about to join, and live in for the rest of her life.

She was amazed, simply amazed. She certainly knew that when the letter had said "You are accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry" it meant magic, if it was really true. But, seeing it. Amazing.

Four or five voices woke Lily from her thoughts and she heard one say,

"Well, this is much more exciting than my father said! He says I wont have seen anything yet until I see Hogwarts for the first time. Imagine!" and another state that he was absolutly _starving _which brought up and argument amoung them over who was the hungriest.  
All the voices stopped as they opened the door to the compartment they had planned on sitting in to find Lily. Lily looked up to the first boy, with black hair. And smiled. She had to make friends sometime.

"Hello, I am Lily Evans, what is your names?" Lily felt slightly lame saying that. Really. What's your name? Ugh. She hoped they would overlook that.  
The boy in front sat down right next to her. " I'm James Potter, this is Remus Lupin," he said pointing at a young buy who looked pretty darned nervous. "Sirius Black" This boy looked absolutely thrilled about something. Whatever. "And Peter Pettigrew" This boy was just as nervous looking as Remus.  
"So how are you? I do hope you guys have a clue about magic, because I'm…what do you call it? Not born a witch." Lily, for the second time in the last five minutes felt really lame.

The boy sitting next to her, James, was staring at her soft red hair. "Muggleborn." He said, looking up at her with that feeling that you feel when you have been staring at something intriguing and beautiful. He then realized how spaced-off his voice had sounded and cleared his throat.

_Okay, awkward silence…_

"Sooo," Lily's attempt at conversations always _have_ sucked. Who cared though? Plus, this boy was staring at her…it was kinda getting weird….

"You want to help us? We were planning a little something here…to give the Slytherins a piece of our mind. A prank. Whatcha think?"  
Lily looked at the boy. James? Prank. Trouble. Bad idea. "Oh. No. No no no no. I don't need to be getting into trouble my first week of school thank you…"

James shrugged. "Well have fun watching us then. I will make sure we don't include you in any of our pranks then." Oh, Oh. Lily did not like this boy. Not at all.

"Well that's great, because I want no part of them." She answered, her temper getting the best of her.  
He looked at her. Grinned. _Winked! _Said "Bye bye." And left with his friends…..

Leaving Lily Evans to herself, wondering, yet again, how her life would turn out.

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**I redid this chapter. I like it now...i hope ya'll do to... **

**One thing i was pretty worried about was catching their voices well. And you see...they are only eleven years old or so right? So they arent going to be _to _deep. Lol. Please review, and tell me what you think...**

**Jazzy Mae**


	2. How She Feels

A/N-I plan on a One-Shot for almost every year, then a little more detail into the 7th year for them- It deserves it...

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Third year Lily Evans was one heck of a 13 year old, she got good grades, never got into trouble, and always avoided the marauders. She didn't mind Remus, as he was thoughtful and very nice, until you put him with his troublemaking friends-Sirius, Peter and James. She could go on for hours on how annoying they were, how she absolutely despised James, who in her opinion was the worst, most immature of all them. She could go on for hours about the Marauders, yes. But sadly she could go on for many days about Mr. James Potter. She loathed him. Hated him. And even, at one point spent hours in the Hogwarts library looking up a word powerful enough to describe her feelings against him…Hate?…Loathe?…Detest?…Disdain…

But when asked how he felt about Lily, you would hear these words "She just wants me." Spoken from James Potter. He did, sadly admire her, and loved to catch sight of that beautiful red hair to charge him up in the morning, almost as if Lily were a cup of coffee, Remus one day muttered. But in truth, the disgust Lily felt for James started around the beginning of their third year, when James and the Marauders went through with a prank that landed Lily Evans, the girl who had never gotten so much as a warning in class- detention.

It all started when Lily was walking to breakfast one morning, still tired from the night before, when she had stayed up rather late doing her transfiguration homework-the hardest, but most enjoyed subject for her- she stopped, suddenly, as she caught a whiff of a terribly gross. When, right in front of her the Marauders appeared out of nowhere.

"Oh my flippin…!-Potter! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" She yelled, immediately blaming James for-whatever- the smell, appearing in front of her out of nowhere…  
But it was Black, not Potter, who answered her. "Uhh…Evans, you better get out of here, unless you want some trouble…."

Immediately, she felt threatened and stated that she would stay right there until they told her what the heck they were doing with a number of buckets of melted cheese, and how they appeared out of midair just now. But Potter just shrugged and said "Lets get this over with!"

And that was how Lily Evans got detention for covering the North Tower with cheese. They had done what they needed to do, and left Lily yelling at them as Filch entered the room. Well, the disappeared again, and how, Lily had no clue. All she knew was she hated him. Hate…Detest….whatever.

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How do you like it? Interesting? Okay? Not worth the time? Just review and tell me... 


	3. How He Feels

By the age of fourteen most girls have had boyfriends, a couple, if not a lot. Each one is the one for the time they are dating. Girls go through a lot of the ones.

Lily Evans had watched, carefully as each friend of hers did this. She had never had a boyfriend, and she was positive she had met her match, and lost him just the same. No superise, as the one for her was none other than her fifth grade teacher. Just a month before getting accepted into Hogwarts, she was sure she was in love. With her teacher. A tall man with dark hair. Seeing him everyday was wonderful. She loved it. She would sneak peeks of him during math loving to see him so---immersed in his work.

So she told him one day. She walked right up to him after class, blushing, and coughing. Lily Evans told her teacher how she felt.

"I-----I----uhh---I think…well. I lo-" Well, Lily tried anyways. She could say no more. She was scared of what he would say.

Her fifth grade teacher looked down on her, his eyes saddening.

"Lily Evans. You're an amazing girl. You will be an _amazing _woman. You will find the one for you. I promise. That man is not me." Lily lowered her eyes, and he said more urgently " When the day comes---_don't hesitate---accept it." _

With that, he walked out of the room, her life, and she received a rather odd letter from a school named Hogwarts a month later, when the year ended. She never forgot what he said.

* * *

Perhaps, that's why Lily was so repulsed by James Potter, _how DARE he be so much like her favorite old teacher!_ Why? Why must they seem so much alike, just James younger by far. Everything from that mischievous glint in his eye, to his hair---he was so much like him. But no---he was a jerk. One prank after another, Turning he own hair into feathers first time they met. He was a jerk. They didn't even have the same _color_ eyes. So there.

So _why, oh why_ must she be at such loss for words at this very moment, staring up into James Potters eyes. His hazel eyes, wondering who dared him to ask him out---or _why_ she was being asked out.

Perhaps its his eyes that made her stutter and feel odd all over. But it was the sudden flash of triumph---_as if he thought the answer was yes, what else---? _that broke the feeling she had. Suddenly she was _pissed._

"No Potter."

"Come again!"

"I said no. I wont go out with you."

She stalked off, leaving a very shocked and confused James behind her.

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Review please, and tell me if this story is acutually believable!

Thanks!

Jasmine


	4. How they feel

It quickly became routine.  
Lily gets up.  
Lily eats breakfast.  
"Mornin! Will you go out with me"  
"No, Potter"  
Lily goes to classes. Lily walks down hallway. "Oi! Evans! Go out with me!"  
"No, Potter."  
Lily eats dinner.  
Lily gets mad at James, James acts cool. Lily smacks him.  
Lily goes to bed.  
Lily gets up.  
Lily goes to breakfast.  
James clears throat.  
"Erm, Hogsmeade this weekend"  
"UGH, NO Potter"

* * *

_Determination _

**_de·ter·mi·na·tion_**

_n. _

_The decision reached. Firmness of purpose; resolve: approached the task with determination and energy._

Lily's best friends were Halley Bryson, Gryffindor, fifth year like her, and "Hogwarts Dictionary"  
Her thoughts were on James Potter. Determined Not that she liked him. No, but it did make her smile sometimes. He liked her (or appeared to..) enough to do this. Routine…maybe it was a dare…maybe more…  
Lily was startled out of her thoughts when the seat ahead of her in the library became occupied. When her head snapped up to see who had found out where she goes to relax, to be free, she saw the last person she wanted to.  
And yet the person most haunting her thoughts…  
James Potter sat in the seat in front of her.  
"Hey Lily"  
"Potter." Lily replied, then snapped the dictionary shut, stuck it back on the shelf, and turned to leave.  
"Wow, Hey, I was going to try to talk to you here!" He had grabbed her hand to stop her from going…kinda awkward.  
"I was hoping I could know what's wrong with me," James continued "Why wont you give me a chance? Even as friends.."  
They were close….too close…  
Lily took a deep breathe and stepped back. "Because you are a jerk, a stuck up rude jerk!" She gasped. Why didn't that sound as convincing as it should?  
He made a move to step closer but Lily stepped back a step, back another, and back, and finally ran out of the library.  
Leaving a dizzy James Potter to fall back in a chair.

_Denial.  
**de·ni·al** _

_n._

_An unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful, or unwanted realities, thoughts, or feelings._

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Is this chapter good! Telll meeeeeeeeee! even if it was crap tell me why 

Jasmine Mae


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